20 pounds and counting, plus other updates

Today's weigh in has me down 20 pounds from my start weight two days after Christmas! I'm so excited that I'm gaining control of at least one aspect of my life. The other aspects... not so much. No new news in other events. The girls continue to grow cuter and smarter every day. I continue to grow more and more fatigued with the whirlwind of mess that Amelia leaves in her wake. She's BUSY and into EVERYTHING! If she can reach it, rest assured she will get into it. If she can't reach it, she will find a way. She's started climbing a lot, has a constant runny nose, is getting new teeth like crazy, and is perfectly happy (unless she doesn't get her way). Ella is growing more and more mature every day. She loves writing, coloring, and telling me all of the things she can do by herself because, in her words, "I'm four now mommy. I don't need your help." She loves pre-school and her pre-school teachers, her friend's at Miss Jen's, and enjoys many afternoons with Papa. In fact, he took her to her second movie in the theatre since we took her to see Tangled over a year ago. He said she did great!

Shaun's gotten a promotion with the Landscaping Company and they really like him there. They know he is planning to move on once his *C-word comes in. Oh if only... 19 months later and no updates. We have had several people tell us once it does they have positions open for him, especially with his degree in Business already. Some days are harder than others. I know it's hard on Shaun. Yesterday was extremely hard. He's gone so long with his current job and yet brings home so little. I feel like a single parent sometimes even though I know he tries to help when he can. I feel so dependent upon my parents for help and yet I HATE being dependent on anyone. I seriously don't know what I'd do without them though. But really I want our own little family to grow stronger and to do that, we really and truly need our own space. It's just not an option with our current income. Some days, yesterday included, I feel like such a huge failure. It's so hard to swallow my pride and accept help. It's so hard to know I have a good education, have made good choices, and still ended up in my parents basement as a 32 year-old. I feel like somewhere along the line I really screwed up. That's just some days though. Other days I keep things in perspective and remember that this experience will be for our good. I know that it's only a matter of time before those blessings do come to our family, and in the mean time I need to leave it in the Lord's hands. A quote I love and just put up on a plaque on my wall states, "Worry ends when Faith in God begins." That's exactly what I need to remember on those days when I start crying myself a river so deep I could swim in it. I know the Lord loves us. He has not forgotten us. He judges us from a different perspective than the rest of the world, and it's His opinion that matters. We recently started having a more formal family home evening now that Ella is getting older and can understand so much and it's been wonderful to see her learn and sing the church songs. She gets excited about it. And I've decided to start listening to conference talks on my I-phone. I can listen in the car driving to my schools or in the mornings if I have a free moment (which is rare). The past few days I've been able to get a talk in each day and it helps. So we are trying. We are not where I thought we'd be, nor close to where I want to be, but we are striving and learning, and in many ways, we are truly blessed. I'm grateful for all the Lord does for us. I hope I can remember to give my worries over to the Lord. It is a daily act of will to do so, but it's really the only way I know to get through this very long wait for us to move forward financially and otherwise.

So there you have it, the March update. I will try to be better about taking photos of the girls so you can see how super cute they are!

Holla Holla, someone's 30!

This past week we celebrated Shaun's birthday. The girls helped me pick out an ice cream cake and we had yummy not so good for you Chinese Food!

Ella especially loved singing "Happy Birthday" to her daddy first thing in the morning, and then again before eating cake.

We were also happy this week to attend the temple and celebrate Valentine's with home made chocolate covered strawberries. The girls enjoyed dipping the strawberries in the chocolate.

The girls are lots of fun these days! Never a dull moment in our household.

2 more lbs down!

Slow and steady, but in an effort to keep myself honest, I'm two more pounds down for a total of 17 pounds. Only 23 to go! So exciting! My jeans fit much better, but I go to the gym and still feel like a blob compared to some of these other women. Oh well, only comparing myself to me, no one else. Easier said than done, but nevertheless that is always the goal.

Our Little Miss turns FOUR!!!!

We enjoyed celebrating Ella's fourth Birthday this weekend with a Repunzel themed party at home

Ella had a wonderful time with her friends. She loved her cake and having so much attention all day long.

Ella with her sweet friends.

Ella's plethora of gifts.

Make a wish!

Cute friends having a good time. We colored, made Pascal crafts, pinned the frying pan on Flynn Rider, and decorated sun shaped cookies. Then we enjoyed the yummy cake and gift opening!

Ella's cute friend, Peter, came to visit too.

Poor Flynn.

The very awesome cake made by a friend from church!

Little sister enjoyed the festivities until nap time kicked in.

Fun times had by all!

Peter's little brother, Ben, was too irresistible not to smooch.

15 down, 30 to go!

January never really inspires me to wax profound and write prolific posts of great importance, mostly because I'm simply trying to endure January. But alas, it will shorty come to an end. Not too much to report these days. We haven't had much in the way of snow, we haven't had much in the way of new news as far as jobs go. So since the weather and the people processing clearances aren't really working in my favor, I've focused my efforts on elements I can control. I started meeting with a nutritionist and am bound and determined to make 2012 the year I get back in control of my body. I was feeling a bit hopeless last year. I'd try to count calories, do weight watchers, all with little to no success. So I have found new hope in trying to adopt a lifestyle and way of eating I can maintain my entire life. For the first several weeks they've had me cut out carbs, and now we're slowly adding fruit and whole grains, but I'm proud to report I've lost 15 pounds. I'm a third of the way there! 30 still to go, but like I said, I have renewed hope that I will get there, hopefully by Spring/Summer time, I'll be excited to go swim suit shopping (or more excited than I've been in years at least). I know I'll never be model thin, but I will be where I feel healthy, and that is so important to me.

That's pretty much it. Going to the gym on a routine basis and focusing on healthy eating is my strategy for combatting the winter blues and blahs. But when I'm not focused on that, I'm just trying to enjoy my beautiful girls and not feel so discouraged about the fact that we've been waiting for Shaun's job to start now for 18 MONTHS! I mean, seriously! Nothing makes you feel like you're of no importance than to feel forgotten. But if you don't know someone that can pull some strings, you get put on the bottom of a very long paper pile (or that's what we assume). Shaun's such a good guy, and he really wants to get started. We pursue other options only to meet dead ends or never hear back. It's all pretty discouraging, but at least we're in good health, and we live relatively comfortably. I still long for a home of my own, but with our current income we can't afford much of anything. I know the Lord loves us, for some reason He has chosen this trial for us, but I remind myself of all I have to be grateful for, and most days it's not so bad. I so wish for Shaun that things can get started. Please continue to pray for us. Maybe it will come around in time for his 30th birthday. That would be the best gift we could ever receive!

The Choice to be Grateful

Every Christmas Eve, I try to think about something I'd like to work on in the coming year to better myself. I try to get Shaun to do it too, and we write these goals down and put them in a simple box under the tree. They are the gifts we hope to bring to the Savior, whether it be more faith, patience, charity, less pride, the list can be endless. This past year I've tried to focus on gratitude. I've found it very easy to slip into the "whoa is me" mentality, that it takes real effort to remember gratitude. As I've mentioned in posts throughout the year, a change in perspective can make all the difference. This year, while it has been extremely challenging in many ways, it has also been one of great growth. I'm so grateful that I've been able to focus on gratitude. I knew I was on to something when this month'sFirst Presidency message in the Ensign was title, "The Choice to be Grateful." I have my moments when I admit I fall short and begin to complain and worry. I often have to remind myself that I may not be where I thought I'd be, but I'm doing just fine nonetheless. We have our health, our girls are healthy, our home is comfortable, my job is good, and we have the hope the future brings. We really are quite fortunate.

Looking to the future, I'd like to continue and renew this focus to choose to be grateful. Along with that, I'd like to be more diligent in many ways. So I'm adding diligence to the list of things to bring to my Savior. I know if I can humbly lay my heart upon his alter, He can make weak things strong. He can make me the person that I can only hope to be. I'm grateful for His love, for his mercy, for His saving grace. I'm grateful that he knows me personally, and that I can talk to him as a friend. I'm grateful He is my advocate with the Father. I'm grateful for his humble birth, His Atonement, His perfect example! I know it is only through Him I may be made strong.

Santa Baby~ Christmas 2011

Calderwood Family photo, Christmas morning

2011

Church was at 9 on Christmas morning, making the whole gift opening thing a bit tricky, but we just had the girls see their big Santa gift (unwrapped and waiting by the tree), and then we held off on the rest until after church and a short nap for Amelia.

Amelia enjoyed Christmas but she didn't quite get what was going on. She was happy all the same. She got big jumbo legos as she loves putting things together and especially loves pulling the blocks in and out of the bag.

Shaun got a motorcycle, a sweater, and a beautiful scrapbook of his mission memories that his sister put together. Must have taken her a ton of time, and it was absolutely beautiful! I swear the Calderwood family has more talent in their little pinkies than I do in my whole body.

Amelia got a kitty that purrs from Grandma and Grandpa. She loved it and giggled every time it moved or made noise.

Steph gave me a beautiful scarf!

Ella got more fun Repunzel pieces from Grandma and Grandpa C.

Ella and Amelia both got beautiful hair bows, but Amelia was more interested in the m&m's in her stocking.

Ella and Amelia both got poodle purses from their great grandma and grandpa Calderwood.

See, I told you Shaun got a motorcycle:-) And that is the ONLY motorcycle I will get for him.

Ella got the big tower from Santa, and the singing and glowing Repunzel doll to go with it. She said Santa did a pretty good job this year. Her favorite presents ever!

So it was a fun and whimsical Christmas day!

We enjoyed talking with family and having nana and papa there to open gifts. And I especially enjoyed getting to go to Church Christmas morning and focus on the true meaning of Christmas, surrounded by family and friends. The gift of our Savior's birth, life, infinite atonement, and resurrection mean more to me than anything. I'm so grateful that because of his humble birth and life to follow, I can be with my family eternally. I'm grateful I can repent, I'm grateful I can start again and have a re-birth so to speak every time I partake of the sacrament. I'm grateful for new beginnings, excited for the New Year ahead of us and all it will bring.