I'm just plain ol' grumpy. I'm not a huge fan of March. It's a month of waiting. Waiting for Spring, waiting for jobs to start, waiting to feel like a real mom and not just the fake mom when nana's not around. Waiting for a real house of my own, waiting to not feel like an utter failure.
Don't worry, I'm not always this grumpy, but maybe the rain has me singing the blues. Maybe four nights in a row of doing bedtime solo with only input from upstairs to tell me if I spank my daughter she'll never know I love her. Sheesh! Ella pushes buttons. She told me last week nana was her real mom. I love that she can be so close to her grandparents, but not at the cost of my own relationship with her suffering. And the irony is, I so desperately need their help. With Shaun working almost every night I come home from one full time job to another with the kids and some nights I just don't have the energy to watch them both. I need their help and greatly appreciate it, but the more they help the more Ella hates me.
So I guess my question is (yes, there is a question amidst of all this ranting) is this what three is or do I have a particularly angry child on my hands? I'm a little concerned but it's not like until Shaun's job starts I can even do anything about it, at least not anything as drastic as move. Here are some things I'm trying but haven't determined if they're successful yet:
A consistent schedule
Special time with just me
play dates with other children
outings with our family alone
I wish I could say I'm always patient. I pray for patience, truly I do, in EVERY aspect of my life. I feel like my three year old hates me. I have no idea what more to do with her and I feel stuck. Stuck in this basement, stuck in my job, stuck stuck stuck! Oh terrible threes how I hate you! At least I'm hoping it's just the terrible threes. Verdict is still out.
4 comments:
When Heidi was 3 she got her pretend "magic wand" out, pointed it at me and said, "Magic wand, make mommy gone!" I can relate. I always wore the "black hat", Craig was the night in shinning armor. She doesn't hate you, she just gets her way with your parents so she uses that to her advantage, very smart 3 year old I might say. Don't take it too personally what she does. I can imagine the conflict with parents upstairs, but hang on, it won't last forever, (I hope). We are all praying so hard for Shaun's clearance to go through. But it is definately a trial for you both. I think your plans are great and remember, Ella does love you and so do we!!
yes, three is terrible! The fits and tantrums can be exhausting! I've had to cut naps because when he gets one he won't go to sleep until 10pm (and trust me, he still needs a nap! He gets very grumpy without one.) You are not alone on so many levels! She does love you but she is testing your boundaries. A wise woman once told me that 3 year olds act out because they need to know their limits. So, don't get down on your self just put on those combat boots and battle the way YOU KNOW is best. You are the Mama so do what YOU think is best, even if upstairs doesn't agree. And call me and we can vent it out together!!! I am there too!
Wow, that is hard, Becky! 3 is a very difficult age. I don't think Ella is abnormal at all. They are testing the limits and need you to be firm so they know where the limits are. That is especially hard as you need your parents help but you also need your rules to be followed. (I'm glad no one is here to watch sometimes the way I put my kids to bed some night.)
Maybe setting limits and when/how your parents can help? I'm always on my own with bedtime but I think I'd almost rather that than constant interference from someone else. And, I was spanked by my dad and I still love him, so don't worry about it.
My mom gave me a great parenting book for advice at different ages. One of the things I remember at this age is that you tell them once to do something. And then, if they don't listen, you go over and do it with them. Or, love and logic gives choices. Like, do you want to brush your teeth or go potty first? Things like that.
A consistent routine at bedtime works better for us. After supper, it's ready for bed, prayers, books, sometimes a family game, etc. Bedtimes are just hard, though. Even though I've been with them all day. They always want one more book, hug, kiss, drink of water, etc. I made a point of saying, 'this is thelast hug tonight, etc' so they know. And, if they come out of bed, I don't even look them in the eye, I just put them back in bed. If they come out again, they have a time out. That type of stuff. I'm not perfect with it at all but it does help.
Hang in there, Becky! I really do understand.
Ah Becca, I wish we lived closer so I could come over and give you some free time on week nights....I would love it!! I don't have a 3 year old, and even then boys are very different, BUT I have a niece who just barely turned 4 and she does the following:
1. Tells me to "Get in the hamper, I'm dirty", "Get in the garbage", "Go home and go right to time out cause I'm naughty"....all because I do something she doesn't like, try to make her eat lunch, take a bath, get dressed, etc.
2. Slaps us in the face when we sing a song wrong.
3. Flips out if her food is made wrong.
4. Throws things at us (usually our face) if she is upset with us.
I say "us" cause this includes her parents, aunts (me), grandparents, etc. Now she is especially difficult but much of it is very normal.
I have no idea what it is like yet to have your child prefer someone else but I know the day will come and I will be heart broken but know its not true, little Ella would be lost without her incredible, beautiful mommy!
I love you Beccalicious and will be praying for the month of waiting to be over soon and some good news for Shaun's clearance!! My TS Clearance took like 9 months so I totally feel your pain in that aspect!
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