Goin' crazy, or half crazy maybe

So in my renewed efforts to become more healthy, I'm proud to report that I've been to the gym every day this week. I've taken an assortment of different classes and today, I can barely walk! My plan is to get to the gym most days after work. It gives the girls a chance to play more with others, and it keeps me from coming home ravenous at 4. If I go to the gym at that time instead, not only will I be avoiding consuming calories, I'll be burning them off! Doing step class and looking in the mirror the whole time at myself is motivation enough!

But why stop there? I'm also excited to report that I've decided I want to do a 1/2 marathon by next summer. I love running, so why not prepare to do that? I think I might do a 5k this Thanksgiving, and maybe a 10k in the Spring... work my way up to it. So does that make me crazy? Well, maybe 1/2 crazy. After all, it's a 1/2 marathon! So there you go! If anyone wants to join me or at least help keep me motivated I welcome the help!

The 3 H's

Okay, so on a lighter note than my last post, I thought I'd share some other thoughts I had while away at my conference last weekend. The whole focus was on us "Choosing to Become" and I came away with three things I choose to be for right now:

I choose to be Healthier

I choose to be Holier

I choose to be Happier

Kristin and I at Time Out for Women- taken during the boy band part that had us up dancing and laughing

So 1st, I choose to be Healthier-

I really want to challenge myself to be healthier. I've let a full time job and two little ones be an excuse for one whole year now and while it may be somewhat valid, I say it's not valid enough! I am going to push myself to get to the gym more often, to eat better, to endure longer. Heck, I may even sign up for a 10k. That's kind of what I'm thinking I'd like to do. Get myself ready to run 6.whatever miles. Anyone care to join? I am taking this challenge on a more fun and light hearted note than I have in the past. I'm not going to beat myself up, but I'm going to focus on being positive. I've already taken two classes at the gym this week. Beyond being a little sore I feel really good.

2nd- I choose to be Holier

I know I can't change how busy I am and make more time for things in an already busy and hectic schedule, but what I can do is find some of the ordinary things in my day, and choose to make them holy. I've already decided every time my seat belt alarm goes off (for shame I know- it always does because I always forget until I'm up the hill and Ella says, "mommy put on your seat belt"), I'm going to say a prayer of gratitude for something. One morning, it was the beautiful row of trees in front of me in their blazing reds and oranges, another time, it was the sun filtering through some silver grey clouds. Those are ordinary moments that I might not have otherwise noticed the beauty around me, but I'm choosing to make those moments holy. It helps me keep a prayer in my heart. I'm choosing to make the every day things more glorious! It's fun and it makes me happy. It makes me appreciate the beauties of this earth, and the little things I so often take for granted.

3rd, I choose to be Happier

A lot of this relates to my post earlier this week. A new perspective is helping me focus on happiness instead of what we yet lack. Understanding God's love means not needing to understand his time lines, and I'm happy to be on HIS PLAN A. I figure it's going to be better than any plan I can present to Him to begin with. I'm happy to be where I am in life. I'm happy to have what I have. And I'm content to not have what I want. I'm choosing to be happier. I don't need to worry because I am in the Lord's hands, and truly, there's no better place to be!

And here are some photos from our month so far

Ella ready for her pre-school Halloween party. She was Belle from Beauty and the Beast and she was so excited to wear her dress to school.

She really is a beauty

Amelia enjoying time in the front yard with her nana and Autie Katie

(one of my dearest friends). Katie bought Amelia and Ella fun fru fru headbands.

And Amelia with her Great Aunt Doris (really related) who also came to visit last weekend

His Plan A, not mine

This has been quite a month for our family! We've enjoyed many of the activities fall brings, and really in many ways we are doing quite well. But I've found myself having an inner struggle, one that only God and I have known about (until now). I have found myself starting to wonder, for the first time in my life, if God really cares about me personally? Maybe I know the answer to this in my mind, but my heart has... well, my heart has started to doubt. With so many people on this vast earth, and numberless creations on other earths, does He really know me and care about me?

Now before you go lecturing me, let me give you a little background if you couldn't already guess where this is coming from. We CONTINUE to wait for Shaun's job to start, and after fifteen months of praying, fasting, attending the temple, and praying some more, we are still no closer to this end goal, a goal we have very little, if any, control over. And as of late I've amped up my efforts. I've really truly tried to do the things I know are right. I've been focusing on gratitude, scripture study, couples and individual prayer, for what feels like no results. So last week, for the first time in my life, I said no more. I'm not going to ask for something when it doesn't come. If I just don't ask then I wont be disappointed when I don't get heard. I know this is horrible, I feel horrible admitting it. But I need to share what I've learned.

This past weekend I was able to attend "Time Out for Women." This is a women's retreat that our church puts on all over the country at various locations. It's a time to literally take time out to remember who we are and grow stronger in our faith. Perfect timing for me, the one of little faith these days. I was truly humbled as I felt an overwhelming answer to my prayers, not my prayers for a job, but my prayers to know that the Lord does indeed care about me, tiny little me with my tiny little problems. One speaker in particular shared an experience he had on his mission when for different reasons than my own he began to have the same doubts I was having. He said for the first time he found himself asking, "Lord, do you exist? Do you love me? Do you hear my prayers?" Tears rolled down my face as he shared his story which so closely paralleled my own. He did not get an immediate answer, but after a great deal of hard work and sacrifice he was able to gain confirmation of these simple truths. YES, the Lord loves YOU. YES, the Lord hears your prayers. YES, he knows you personally and cares for you. His answers did not come immediately, but he learned that if they had come easy he would not have learned to work so hard. He learned to appreciate the value of seeking earnestly, and his faith grew as a result.

I have felt an overwhelming confidence that the Lord is answering my prayers, just not in the way I have expected. He wants us to be exactly where we are, and that's okay for the time being. We don't have all the things we long for- a home of our own, an opportunity for me to work less and be home more- but what we have is good. We have a beautiful home, beautiful and healthy children. We're both employed even if Shaun is underemployed for the time being. The Lord doesn't care what our bank account looks like, He cares that we are trying to be more like Him. I keep feeling like the Lord doesn't answer my prayers because He's not approving the plan I present to Him. I've presented plans A- Z to Him, only to be disappointed when they don't work out. What I realized for the first time in my life this weekend is that I am on plan A, it's just HIS plan A, not mine. If I know I'm living His plan, then I can rest assured that things will happen in HIS time, and when they happen on His time, then they are right. So for whatever reason, He wants us to wait. Perhaps He doesn't even want us to pursue the job we've been waiting for, but wants us to take another path entirely. I now pray that I will know His will, whatever that may be, and that I will then have the strength to follow it. Whether that means waiting patiently for job A to start, or starting a new path with something else, if it is the Lord's will it will be right. I will put my faith in Jesus Christ, not some outcome.

One speaker said the following which I found profound:

"We can hope for those good things in our life, but having faith, LIVING with faith, means wanting what Christ wants for you."

I don't know what His will is, but I will seek it through prayer, through hard work, through living my life in such a way that grants me access to his Holy Spirit. I've been humbled greatly. When I complained to my sister earlier in the week, she told me I needed to have more humility, that before I started complaining about my own problems I should think of the starving people in Africa. I thought to myself, "Really? You're going to play that card? The Africa card?" Well turns out she was right. One of the presenters at the conference was from war torn Africa, and she shared her experiences of losing her entire family, losing her sister, and almost losing her own life, but never losing her faith. She chose to let her experiences make her better, not bitter. And by golly, if she can do it over that dramatic of a life event, then I can do it too.

I'm grateful for this new perspective. I'm grateful that the Lord loves me enough to comfort me instead of ridicule me when I begin to faulter. I'm grateful for my Savior. Like him, I will try to say, "Thy will, not mine, be done."

Lucky #7 (we HOPE)

Shaun and I celebrated our 7th anniversary this past Saturday. We're hoping 7 means luck and not the 7 year itch. We're in a good place in many ways. We've been through a lot, and after all the ups and downs, I still want to stay by his side. I'm excited to see what the next seven years bring to our marriage. It definitely hasn't been all rosy all the time, but I'm so glad we are there to support one another as the hard times come, and to enjoy the wonderful moments together! I love our little family. I love us!

In celebration of "lucky #7" as I'm calling it, we went to The Kennedy Center in DC to see Les Miserables. It was a wonderful evening. Wonderful dinner, wonderful theatre, wonderful company! It's one of our favorite plays and I'm so glad we got to see it together!

Shaun and I at the Kennedy Center... I know it's blurry but it's what we've got!

The pumpkin patch

This past Saturday we took the girls to the pumpkin patch just down the road from our house. Ella and her mermaid, who goes everywhere with us, were very excited with their pick.

Not only did we enjoy the pumpkins, but we enjoyed a hayride, a bounce house, and seeing the donkeys, baby chicks, and baby bunnies. Ella took a ride on the tractor pull, and they both took a turn on the slide.

Amelia was more interested in crawling through the patch than picking out a pumpkin.

Ella enjoyed the animals.

Amelia enjoyed the baby chicks.

Jack Jack o' Lantern

In preparation for all those trick or treaters, Shaun and Ella had fun picking out a pumpkin at the pumpkin patch, and then decorating it together.

Ella helped Shaun color in the face and then Shaun took care of the "carving".

They were very excited with their Jack o' Lantern!