Hope

Our precious little Amelia was blessed at church on Sunday by her dad. It was one of the most tender and sweet blessings in my unbiased opinion. Truly Shaun must have been in tune with the Spirit for I too had been feeling many of the things that were said about her and blessings pronounced upon her. I was able to jot down some notes before Ella took my pen and began using it to draw all over the Sacrament meeting program. I think the most touching thing to me was that she would continue to have the sweet disposition in life she has had thus far and her disposition will be a blessing of peace and hope to her family members. I think this was particularly moving for me because she has already in her short little life brought feelings of peace and hope to me as her mother. Having two has been a pretty rough road so far. Some days I'm not sure how I will get through the day, let alone the week. I have been feeling pretty low and there's a pretty strong chance I may be having some Post Pardom blues if not full blown depression, but the one thing that has continued to bring a smile to my face is Amelia's sweet little disposition. One smile from her and I melt. She is so completely lovable and it seems some days she just knows how hard things are for me and she will be particularly sweet those days. She will coo and gaa and then drift off to sleep without a peep. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father sent me this little girl as I know she will continue to be a source of peace and hope in my life.

My parents, Shaun's mom, and his aunt Pixie and cousin Tyler came to the blessing. We were also really happy to have our good friends, The Bonacci's, come into town. They came down for a job interview Monday and we're keeping our fingers crossed they join us in VA soon:) Their little boy, Peter, plays so well with Ella. Unlike her though he loves to pose for the camera.

My parents cruise the Mediterranean

My parents spent the first half of October cruising the Mediterranean, a dream of my mother's for years. Really though, who doesn't dream of spending time in Venice, Rome, and Greece whilst aboard a luxury cruise liner with a plethora of yummy food and entertainment options? I certainly hope to have that opportunity one day, but for now I'll just enjoy their photos. I'm glad they got that opportunity. They certainly deserve a little time to enjoy themselves now that my dad is retired. I thought for the family that checks my blog they may want to see some of the highlights so I posted some photos below for them. Like me, you can gawk in envy at their glorious vacation. Hey, maybe when I'm 65 Shaun will take me too. Here's hopin'

St. Marks Square in Venice. Aren't they cute?

Aaah, Venice

Naples, Italy... it's on my list to visit

Sunset on the ship

Mom enjoying some gelato

My parents with my mom's sister, Liz, and her husband, Dick, who went with them on this adventure. They tell me this was in Rome after touring the ruins.

Rome

Grandma C comes to visit

We had a lot of fun visiting with Grandma C for the past ten days and we were all very sad to say our goodbyes yesterday. Here's a little recap of our fun adventures together. We went to the pumpkin patch (pictures left), the apple harvest festival at Graves Mountain Lodge (below), shopping, and on many walks in the beautiful fall weather. We re-did the girls nursery (also below) to make room for Ella's bed and keep all those toys organized. This was also a good way to help me feel sanity in my small space that has to serve so many functions. I think it turned out great and am so appreciative we had a little decorating project to get me excited and motivated.

Grandma also played dolls and dress up with Ella and was sure to tell her bed time stories about Peter and Patty. She bought her a new Ariel doll that all of us got to hear more than we ever wanted from (she sings when you press her necklace and Ella LOOOOVES her). Grandma C helped with Amelia cuddling her, feeding her, and giving her baths, and she made us lots of good food (I put three pounds back on unfortunately), and this past Sunday Shaun blessed little Amelia, more to come on that in a different post.

It was a nice visit and I tried to enjoy every moment as I know next week I return to work full time, as if motherhood wasn't enough of a full time job now I will have

two full time jobs. I can't even tell you

how much that bums me out. I'm trying to think positively though and look forward to exciting events like Shaun starting his new job (we're hoping for the first of January as last week the investigator for his security clearance met with him and he did his polygraph). Once he's started his job we will most likely buy our first home and that will bring a whole new set of challenges but also so many thinks to look forward to. For now, my going back to work means getting into a new routine. Shaun will only work at the golf course on weekends and will be at home with the girls until his contract job begins. I'm glad I wont have to cart them off to daycare although I love Miss Jen who watches Ella. She'll hopefully be watching the girls when Shaun starts his job but only for a couple of hours a day.

To all of you who commented, texted, or emailed after my last post, thank you for your support, your love, and your suggestions. I didn't even know that many people actually read this silly little blog. I appreciate all of your support and knowing I'm not alone in feeling like motherhood is the hardest job on the planet. It is still hard even with the help of mothers and mother-in-laws, but I'm trying not to feel so hopeless these days. Some days are better than others. The visit with Shaun's mom helped a lot. Thanks Pat for being such a wonderful mother and grandmother. We love you and miss you!

Ella loved playing dolls with Grandma C. She brought her lots of new accessories for her little dollhouse that she had gotten for her birthday.

Below Amelia gets a bath and Ella plays with sidewalk chalk and rides her bike. Photos of Amelia with her grandma.

This gig we call parenthood

Hi friends and family,

Today I write more out of desperation than anything. Does life with a two and a half year-old and two month old get any easier? There were about twenty times today I felt like going into the fetal position and simply rocking back and forth the rest of the day. But alas, I had to rock the two month old. She is a really good little baby but today she just didn't want to be put down. And Ella, well she's a ... how do I say this while still conveying I love her dearly? She's exhausting. She fights me at every turn, even if it's something easy. Shaun and I feel that maybe we have reprimanded her too often lately and so this week unless it's been a dangerous situation I have tried to let things go. Like when she got into my makeup bag and thought mascara made a good paint brush. Or when she thought the chocolate pudding I made for her would look better ON her stomach than in it (among other places). It seems every time I turn around something has been broken by her hand, or at the very least smudged up and messed up. I haven't raised my voice and I've tried to use language like "that was a bad choice" instead of "that was bad". She does really worry us because she has no sense of danger and she loves to run the first chance she gets when we're out in public. It's really to the point I don't trust myself to go out alone with just her and Amelia. I can't carry the car seat and make sure Ella doesn't get away from me. Even with Shaun with me she has run in parking lots and it's taken both of us to catch her (hence the harness I mentioned in an earlier post... seriously, I don't know what else to do). She doesn't take naps anymore and only has one volume... LOUD! I know some of this is par for the course of a two year old but when I see my friends kids she seems a little more extreme. She's not really into pleasing so when a group of us went to sing at the nursing home last week all the other little girls sat with their moms and sang while Ella ran from me and found a ball that she chased up and down the hall. She probably brightened the day of many of the elderly anyway, but it worries me that she just doesn't seem to care what is asked of her. She even loved the songs they were singing as they are ones she sings every Sunday and goes around the house yelling them at the top of her lungs (some days that's really cute).

Please don't take this in any way to mean I don't love and adore my two year old and see all of her strengths. But I have to ask, is the behavior "typical twos" or am I dealing with something bigger? Perhaps a little bit of both? She's so independent and so willful. I want to channel all of that into something positive. I really do see her as a strong leader and positive citizen to society when she grows up... I just don't want to scar her along the way. I know I have my master's in social work with an emphasis on children and families but sheesh! When it's your own child I guess you always second guess yourself... or do you? I just feel completely zapped of all energy by the days end. Shaun is working a lot which has been wonderful but he's sometimes gone for over twelve hours. Am I wussy? I feel wussy. But nonetheless, I throw these concerns out to the void. I know these are Heavenly Father's children and I don't want to damage them. I get so frustrated and then even resentful. I think what my life would be like... what I would do with all that time if... I cant even finish the thought because it sounds too bad. This gig called parenthood is harder than any 9-5 job I've ever had and I would venture to guess ever will or could have. A big thank you to my mom for never giving up with us. I'm sure there were days she wanted to. I just don't know how to find hope when it seems like my life will be one big monotony of Dora the Explorer and being challenged at every turn. Does it get easier?

My mother-in-law is in route on her way here tonight and her coming couldn't come at a better time. Maybe she can give me advice as I so desperately need it. My own parents are very helpful but they've been out of town for the last ten days and wont be coming back into town until next Tuesday. I don't know how people do this alone? I pray for help and ask for patience. If any of you have two cents to throw in I'll take that too.

And to end on a positive note, I have some updated photos of me and the girls. Nothing too special but it's nice to have some photos of me with my girls, even if I'm not in love with my photo right now. I lost 12 pounds on my program and will most likely do it again beginning November first. I would ideally like to lose at least another 25 pounds so we'll see. In the mean time, I'm trying to be patient. I've started jogging again on days when Shaun gets home before dark and there is something so absolutely liberating about that time outdoors. We'll keep on keepin' on, and I'll try to remember gratitude for all I have instead of dwelling on what I yet lack.


(Ella in her new big girl toddler bed... she LOVES it though its made nap time non-existent)

Amelia and Ella are the cutest little girls if I do say so myself.

I melt every time Amelia smiles and you can see why here


So I may have a long way to go but I do love our little family, imperfect as we are!

LOVE is made for me and you... 6 years and counting

"L" is for the way you LOOK at me

We celebrated our sixth anniversary this Friday. I thought it would be fun to reflect on the last six years in photos. The picture above was taken in 2004 just prior to our getting married at my family reunion inFloyd, VA. Aaah, so in love!

"O" is for the Only One I see

2005, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

"V" is Very Very, extraordinary

November, 2006, New York City Weekend Trip

"E" is Even more than anyone that you adore

November, 2009, Family Photos

And this year we celebrated by going to Poplar Springs for a "Spa Day"... fantastic! We enjoyed a massage followed by time in the jacuzzi (see photos of the spa and grounds below). Poplar Springs is just fifteen minutes from our home so it was the perfect little getaway without really getting away. We were home in time to put the girls to bed. Maybe next year we'll actually stay at their bed and breakfast and make it a tradition. A girl can hope!

Happy Anniversary Shaun! I love you and I love our life together... even though some days with children life has never been harder, I wouldn't have it any other way. Love is made for me and you.

PS: I also bought us this really great date night idea book. I thought it would be a great anniversary gift and as it has some great ideas for dates beyond the "dinner and a movie" norm. I highly recommend it for anyone looking to mix it up a little. Shaun and I are hoping to try a few of the things over the next year like host a murder mystery game night, tour model homes, test drive our dream car, go karaoke singing, and so much more.

Loving our Little A

We celebrated Amelia's 6 week birthday this week and every day she seems to grow more and more beautiful. She continues to be the sweetest little baby with a content disposition. She's started smiling back at us and her smile just makes me melt with her little dimple in her cheek. She would love to be held all day long if possible and were she my first she probably would be spoiled by my constant holding her and oogling over her. As it is, my oogling is kept at a minimum as her two year old sister keeps me on my toes. Seriously, I'm buying a harness for that girl so she wont run away. I used to think those things were taboo but now I'm 100% behind them. And so I digress. As I was saying, it's hard not to spoil Miss Amelia and Shaun still thinks that I do, but I definitely don't hold her as much as I would were she my first. I don't remember Ella liking to be held like this. So every day I fall more and more in love with this little cuddle bug here to bless our family. We're so glad she's come to join us and extremely grateful Heavenly Father has entrusted us with her care. It's an awesome responsibility and definitely the hardest job I've ever had. I'd be lying if I said every day were perfect and I never lose my patience. There are days that I'm a complete wreck but quiet moments like right now when I actually get a moment to collect my thoughts, I am very grateful for the life I have even though it's also the hardest my life has ever been. Thank goodness for naps!