Today I write more out of desperation than anything. Does life with a two and a half year-old and two month old get any easier? There were about twenty times today I felt like going into the fetal position and simply rocking back and forth the rest of the day. But alas, I had to rock the two month old. She is a really good little baby but today she just didn't want to be put down. And Ella, well she's a ... how do I say this while still conveying I love her dearly? She's exhausting. She fights me at every turn, even if it's something easy. Shaun and I feel that maybe we have reprimanded her too often lately and so this week unless it's been a dangerous situation I have tried to let things go. Like when she got into my makeup bag and thought mascara made a good paint brush. Or when she thought the chocolate pudding I made for her would look better ON her stomach than in it (among other places). It seems every time I turn around something has been broken by her hand, or at the very least smudged up and messed up. I haven't raised my voice and I've tried to use language like "that was a bad choice" instead of "that was bad". She does really worry us because she has no sense of danger and she loves to run the first chance she gets when we're out in public. It's really to the point I don't trust myself to go out alone with just her and Amelia. I can't carry the car seat and make sure Ella doesn't get away from me. Even with Shaun with me she has run in parking lots and it's taken both of us to catch her (hence the harness I mentioned in an earlier post... seriously, I don't know what else to do). She doesn't take naps anymore and only has one volume... LOUD! I know some of this is par for the course of a two year old but when I see my friends kids she seems a little more extreme. She's not really into pleasing so when a group of us went to sing at the nursing home last week all the other little girls sat with their moms and sang while Ella ran from me and found a ball that she chased up and down the hall. She probably brightened the day of many of the elderly anyway, but it worries me that she just doesn't seem to care what is asked of her. She even loved the songs they were singing as they are ones she sings every Sunday and goes around the house yelling them at the top of her lungs (some days that's really cute).
Please don't take this in any way to mean I don't love and adore my two year old and see all of her strengths. But I have to ask, is the behavior "typical twos" or am I dealing with something bigger? Perhaps a little bit of both? She's so independent and so willful. I want to channel all of that into something positive. I really do see her as a strong leader and positive citizen to society when she grows up... I just don't want to scar her along the way. I know I have my master's in social work with an emphasis on children and families but sheesh! When it's your own child I guess you always second guess yourself... or do you? I just feel completely zapped of all energy by the days end. Shaun is working a lot which has been wonderful but he's sometimes gone for over twelve hours. Am I wussy? I feel wussy. But nonetheless, I throw these concerns out to the void. I know these are Heavenly Father's children and I don't want to damage them. I get so frustrated and then even resentful. I think what my life would be like... what I would do with all that time if... I cant even finish the thought because it sounds too bad. This gig called parenthood is harder than any 9-5 job I've ever had and I would venture to guess ever will or could have. A big thank you to my mom for never giving up with us. I'm sure there were days she wanted to. I just don't know how to find hope when it seems like my life will be one big monotony of Dora the Explorer and being challenged at every turn. Does it get easier?
My mother-in-law is in route on her way here tonight and her coming couldn't come at a better time. Maybe she can give me advice as I so desperately need it. My own parents are very helpful but they've been out of town for the last ten days and wont be coming back into town until next Tuesday. I don't know how people do this alone? I pray for help and ask for patience. If any of you have two cents to throw in I'll take that too.
And to end on a positive note, I have some updated photos of me and the girls. Nothing too special but it's nice to have some photos of me with my girls, even if I'm not in love with my photo right now. I lost 12 pounds on my program and will most likely do it again beginning November first. I would ideally like to lose at least another 25 pounds so we'll see. In the mean time, I'm trying to be patient. I've started jogging again on days when Shaun gets home before dark and there is something so absolutely liberating about that time outdoors. We'll keep on keepin' on, and I'll try to remember gratitude for all I have instead of dwelling on what I yet lack.
(Ella in her new big girl toddler bed... she LOVES it though its made nap time non-existent)
Amelia and Ella are the cutest little girls if I do say so myself.
I melt every time Amelia smiles and you can see why here
So I may have a long way to go but I do love our little family, imperfect as we are!
9 comments:
Becca, I feel your pain. Seriously, switch the names and this could have been me writing this same blog. I can tell you that in some ways it will get easier.....and in others, it won't. I remember feeling as if things seemed to improve around the time the baby hit three or four months old. We had more of a routine and Kai had come to accept it a bit more. Introducing the big boy bed also was the beginning of the end for nap time. I've found that Kai's behavior is significantly better and more calm if you can get that nap in. If Ella can't sleep in her bed, might I suggest trying quite time on the couch. I would make Kai lay down on the couch about an hour after his normal nap time (so he was very tired) and then turn on a "momma show" (TLC or HGTV). After 30 minutes or so he would lose interest and fall asleep. This helped us extend his naps a few more months. Now he actually finds those shows interesting and has his favorite--ColorSplash! Anyway, it worked for a while and the more I was able to get him to nap the more calm and behaved he seemed. Also I found that specifically telling Kai when he was getting one on one mommy time made a difference. When Finn would take his morning nap Kai knew it was his time to be with me (just like he was for 2 1/2 years before) and we would have a scheduled activity to do together. Color, bake, playdough, etc. That one on one time became so vital as these older ones are trying to figure out why they are no longer the center of our universe and, in general, act out to get our attention. Any attention is good in their book, even the negative discipline type.
You can do it! I know you can, because somehow we're doing it over here. I lose my patience at times and find myself apologizing to Kai, but we're all learning. Kai's now 3 and 1/2 and we have other issues we deal with. Some of the ones from the early days have resolved themselves, and others are now coming out. Just take one day at a time and make sure to get your rest, too. I'm pretty sure we'll all come out alive on the other side of this thing and that our kids will be relatively unscathed. At least, that's what I keep hoping for!! :)
You are such a wonderul Mommy! I wish I had some parental advice to give...I know you & Shaun are fabulous - so just keep loving those babies! Can't wait to squeeze all of you soon!!! :)
Hang in there, Becky! It does get easier. I remember days that were just horrific. I agree that if there is ANY way to get Ella to at least rest, then do it. Maybe just being consistent with it? I don't know - you've probably tried it. Kids go through stages and phases. Some are easier than others.
Hang in there friend! That is all you can do sometimes! You are a great Mom with a rambunctious child. I can understand why you are exhausted! But you are doing a great job, really!
Becky - I was just thinking about this again today. One thing I've let the boys do is paint in the bathtub. You can make fingerpaints for Ella (or just give her a bunch of pudding) and strip her down and let her go to town in the tub. Easy clean up for everyone involved. I have lots of fun little recipes for fingerpaints and other things if you want.
hey, i just decided to check up on you guys on your blog here and the only thing that really comes to mind is "duuuude." i'm obviously in no position to give advice with only one, but i can say that for me the first several months with my ONE little one were really really hard. i also think i had some PPD which did not help (though being aware of it did a bit). but anyway it is like ten bajillion times better now. my only point is our loving Heavenly Father is not going to only give us the bitter part. the sweet part absolutely has to come. and it will. probably when your kiddos start playing together (if not sooner). i guess the trick is finding the sweetness IN the bitter times.
p.s., chris said you guys were talking about having us over. if you do, do not stress about it. we can just get a pizza or whatever and there is no need to play hostess at the expense of mommy sanity.
p.p.s., i promise i will not judge you if you get a harness for ella. i'm fully expecting adele to need one at some point. just get the cute monkey backpack or something like it.
It does get easier! For a while I thought there was definitely no way I was having any more kids. You have a couple hard years ahead :) Don't give up on naps - my kids are 4 and 2 now and they are still required. Mornings are the time to have activities with them and for outings then the kids have lunch at 11:30 and then it is straight to story time and naps - no exceptions. It keeps everyone sane. Some days the 4 year old has a tough time going to bed at night, but I find that it's better for us to have a happy afternoon and evening together, than for her to miss her nap and make herself and everyone at home miserable until bedtime.
The pictures of your girls are beautiful! Amelia has such a sweet smile, I cannot wait to meet her next month :)
It is so hard having two close together! But I hear it is so worth it later, when they start playing together. I have already seen a little bit of it as Lily is almost walking and trying to start talking- they are interacting more and more every day! It gives me a few moments peace to catch up around the house when they play nicely together ;) And I love the sounds of their little giggles coming down the hallway. I wouldn't feel bad about the leash, there are really cute ones and I see lots of really good parents with their adventurous toddlers on them! If it keeps them safe, then I say you are a better parent for doing it! We love Ella so much, and Eliana talks about her all the time. She has such a strong spirit, and I agree with you- she will make an amazing leader someday. In so many ways you will have less to worry about with Ella when she gets older, because she has a strong mind and sense of what she is after. I think you and Shaun are doing an amazing job raising her, and we are so grateful to have you and your family as our friends. I know how you feel- some days it seems the toddler waits until I am immobile, breastfeeding or changing a diaper, to get into mischief. I hear it gets easier as they get older, and just think what a blessing we are giving our girls with built in best friends forever- their sisters! My sister and I are only 16 months apart, and I couldn't imagine a better friend than her. Sending prayers and love your way, we can't wait to see you!
You know, there's been times when I've felt this same way. For four months preceding Leah's third birthday, I constantly thought: "what's wrong with this girl. What's wrong with me?" Then . . . she out grew it. I've hit other stages when she's exasperated me in other areas. One thing that I've found helpful is positive reinforcement. Because I was reprimanding her WAY too much. We have a little "pom pom" jar and when she does good things, (like listen to mommy, clean up her toys...) she gets to put a pom pom in. once its full she earns a big surprise, like going to McDonalds or the movies or something. Often, she'll switch her bad behavior so that she doesn't loose a pom pom. And its good to notice her good behavior, something that's harder to do than it sounds. hang in there!
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