Getting Over the Guilt

I've been feeling the need to pour out my soul lately.  The problem always lies in where to start.  Well, today let's start with Getting Over the Guilt.  Guilt over what you ask?  Well, for starters, that I'm not everything I think I need to be, everything everyone else thinks I should be, everything to everyone.  It's wonderful living in a world where with the click of a mouse you're instantly connected to so many people, but it also has it's drawbacks.  Within ten minutes I can find out the highlights of everyone else's lives... They just ran 8.2 miles for the fourth time this week, they just jogged a half-marathon, they just made an amazing craft with their kids, they just went on an amazing vacation to Italy.  Of course I'm not privy to their struggles, their pains, their hardships.  I just see that life is looking pretty amazing for them.  And these are just a few of the thoughts that come to my head as I read through their headlines, "Where the HELL do you find time to run 8.2 miles as a young working mom?" ; "I wish I could run a half-marathon, but I can hardly walk to the bus stop without being tired these days... loser" ; "I am definitely not that crafty." and "Wow!  I wish I could travel... one day... maybe... loser."

I beat myself up because I'm not keeping up with everyone else.  I put these ridiculous expectations on myself and forget to have the little reality check that I so desperately need.
1.  I'm 6 months pregnant.  I'm not going to be running a half-marathon yet.  But give me a year and see what I can do.
2.  I have a lot to be grateful for, even if I'm not traveling to Europe.  Times and Seasons.
3.  I am a wonderful mom.  I may not be super crafty, but I read with my girls, I play with them, I cuddle with them.  And sometimes I let them just do their thing because I cannot always do it all.

I read a pretty great article this morning written by a mommy blogger entitled, "How I Don't Do it All" Source here:  http://www.thefarmerswifetellsall.com/2014/05/06/how-i-dont-do-it-all/.  This little post resonated with my soul.  She simply states that she doesn't do it all, and that she doesn't need to.  She makes her priorities, she outsources when needed, and she doesn't need to be everybody's everything all the time.  I don't have a superwoman complex.  I can be okay just being me.  I need to tell that little voice in my head that's beating myself up for not being skinny enough (even though I'm pregnant that voice is still there yelling rude things loud and clear), that I need to somehow measure up to all of these other individual's highlights, that voice needs to take a big time out.  Yes, I have to have goals for after this baby comes, and in the mean time I can be healthy, but I also need to be kind to myself.  And just watch next year when I rock a half-marathon like no one else's business.  That's my goal for my 36th birthday!  Bring it on!  But in the mean time, that voice needs to be silenced.  The trouble is... I'm the only one who can silence it.  That is a very difficult thing.

In a recent discussion with some fellow moms, one person commented that one of the names used for the adversary is "the accuser," and she noted that whenever we are beating ourselves up, we might want to think about where the source of that is coming from.  One of Satan's greatest tools that he uses on women I think is to make us beat ourselves up for not being enough, to compare ourselves to others, and to keep us so busy that we forget to prioritize what's really important.  I think he very effectively uses these strategies with me, and I need to remember the Savior's promise to make weak things strong.  If we feel inspired, or we sense a weakness but desire to better ourselves and feel motivated... these feelings come from our Heavenly Father.  I need to consider the source of my feelings most days, and if the author of those feelings is the adversary then I need to allow my Savior's grace to fill in the gaps that only He can fill.  I will not ever be able to do it all, but I have Him to make what I do into enough.  It's a daily struggle.  I will naturally want to compare myself to others and will be inclined to be hard on myself, but I need to work to remember that what I do is good, and with the help of my Father in Heaven it can be enough.