The Calderwood Chronicle: Treading Water

So I have had many moments where I think to myself, "Self, I'd really like to blog today, and I would really like to pour out my soul and share the deep thoughts I'm having right now." This conversation between me, myself, and I, usually takes place while I'm lying in bed. Why? Probably because that's the only time I'm almost alone. Alone if you count a husband snoring on one side and a four month old in the co-sleeper on the other, ready to wake at any moment and want to be fed. And then common sense kicks in and I remind myself that I will never get around to blogging, just like common sense has kicked in when I have promptings to pursue other virtuous tasks. These include but are not limited to getting dressed, getting showered, doing laundry, making dinner, exercising, getting groceries, going out to do something for me and me only (just thinking about the last time that happened makes me laugh a little because it's laugh or cry I tell you). I know that I have felt this way after having a baby each time. I know that eventually the demands of life ease up a little and it's not impossible to leave the house in less than 60 minutes. You can generally get out in more like 20. And I remember to tell myself to "lower the bar" when it comes to my expectations, but it's really hard when you've got enough type A in you that you really want to check all those little items off on your fabulously updated "to-do" list. Lessons learned, shorten "to-do" lists and just enjoy staying in when at all possible. This has been my philosophy over the break and now into January as we are experiencing a few snow days here and there. Whenever we try to get out the door to go anywhere, and I mean anywhere, inevitably some or all of us have a meltdown, and that someone may or may not be me at least 50% of the time. Bottom line- it's HARD being a mom, not to mention a being a working mom with a slightly type A personality who enjoys having a clean home. It's really hard. Not to say it's not completely and utterly worth it, but treading water seems to be a slogan I'd use on a good day. Drowning is the more likely feeling at any given moment.

All that being said, I absolutely love and adore this little family of mine. Their laughs and giggles, their hugs and kisses, make all the sticky messes, the arguing, the crying, and sleep depriving feedings worth it. I haven't had the time to tell you how absolutely wonderful and sweet my Alex is. Of our three, he is definitely the most mellow and easy going. Amelia was also a very sweet baby, and she still is very sweet, but she wasn't this mellow. Alex is charming. He giggles, he gurgles, he smiles and laughs. He is almost always happy and easily contented. He loves his hands, is discovering new toys around him, and he loves his family. He loves hugs and playtime with Amelia and when Ella cares to give him attention he eats it up. I'm so thankful every day that we have been blessed with his sweet and gentle spirit in our home. I'm not sure what I'd do if I had another fireball like Ella. Ella is amazing and full of spunk and energy with a capital E. We can't seem to get her to stop growling at us when we ask her to do things, and she certainly has a very strong will, but every day I pray for patience. I hope we can take advantage of some time to have one on one time soon because I really enjoy her when it's just the two of us. And Amelia, she is the kindest and most loving and doting big sister. She sometimes will say something so adorable like, "Mommy, thank you for having this sweet baby Alex so he could be in our family." Or after dinner (even if it's spaghettios from the can) she will say, "mommy, thank you for making me dinner." I can't believe she'll be headed off to Kindergarten next year!

So anyway, bottom line, kids are super hard but super wonderful. Do the cons outweigh the pros? Absolutely! Do I wish I had a nanny, a maid, and a personal chef? Absolutely! Do I not exercise nearly as much as I did when I was single? Absolutely! Do I think it's worth all the sacrifices and the challenges? Absolutely!

So there you have it! My life lately consists mostly of hardly sleeping, cleaning, feeding young children, bathing young children, dressing young children, getting young children into my car to take to various destinations, and then eventually going to work where I work with other people's young children and try to help them. It's exhausting, but I know the Lord will strengthen me day by day, hour by hour. I'm truly grateful for all of the help and support from Shaun (as he should), my parents, friends and church family, and I'm very grateful for Ella going to 1st grade because she needs to be busy. It truly takes a village folks! I could never do it alone, nor do I think I deserve all the credit (or blame depending on how they turn out, right?) But most especially I do it with help from the Lord. Some days my laundry doesn't get done or I forget to pack a lunch or I lose my temper and yell at the kids, but He helps me through the day to day grind. I hope there's a way for me to work only part-time next year (because I really don't know how to sustain this level of daily activity), but I know that whatever happens I am depending on my Rock and my Redeemer! Thank goodness for my certain knowledge that He loves me and He can make up the difference when I fall short, which I so often do these days. He keeps me from drowning, and treading water just makes me stronger!

So since I haven't been all that great about posting photos of this little hunk of a man, here are some recent photos of my mister. He's about 4 months old now! Sheesh how is he allowed to get so big so fast. I want him to stay little but sleep through the night.