Come Alive

I recently read this quote from Howard Thurman and it really resonated with me. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Over the past several months I've been very thoughtful and reflective as I've thought about my life and where I'm at. A combination of factors are influencing my thoughts on the subject. Always first and foremost is my relationship with God. I've thought a lot about the process of becoming more like Him. This very literal process in fact where I shed the natural man and become His daughter, sanctified through Him. I know as I look to Him He can take my weaknesses and make them strengths. He can take my strengths and make them an amazing gift to bless the lives of others. It's really pretty remarkable what we can become through Christ. So that is often on my mind. Am I actively trying to BECOME as He is, not just passively allowing life to act upon me. In the process of enduring to the end, am I merely being acted upon, or am I actively seeking, finding, and trying to be better? So that is always in my brain, influencing my decisions and my choices. And then I think about my personal life. I love being a mom and there isn't much that I would change about my personal life at this point in time, except I hope I am soaking up life's little moments and treasuring these three sweet and precious kiddos. I hope I give my husband the attention and love he deserves as often he is the last one to get attention. The last one besides me taking care of myself. And in that domain, I wonder if there's more I should do to better myself. As a mom and working professional, there is little time left for any hobbies or special interests I might have. I'm content to spend most evenings folding laundry while I watch a show on the History Channel or another PBS favorite (I know I'm a nerd but I don't even care). But the Lord has given me talents. Am I using them? Also, am I taking time to do things that bring me joy? Well again, this time and season isn't really suited towards that, but I could carve out time to go for walks or jogs more frequently, be in nature, work on a little fitness, maybe get a little more into photography? I don't know. I don't want all of my interests and hobbies to fall to the wayside, but they kinda do anyway. Except of course for decorating... decorating is a passion, and I do wonder sometimes if the future might allow for a career change. So that brings me to thoughts on my professional life. I don't think I've ever made a better choice than to go to part-time a year and a half ago (well, taking this job almost 13 years ago was a great choice, and getting my Master's, and deciding to go into Social Work period, but still one of the best choices). Since that choice was made Shaun's career has taken off and he's now making double what I made full time(kinda sad because I realize I make peanuts but also pretty awesome for him). For so many years I was the primary bread winner, a role I gladly relinquish to him at this stage of the game. But I do wonder, as I reflect on the quote above, if my career really makes me 'come alive.' Aspects of it do I think. There is always going to be a part of me that wants to do social work, but lately the flakey parents and lack of support and appreciation from administration (not at my schools really but from my Central Office) have me considering if this is the path I want to stay on. I don't think I'm ready to make any big changes right now. My focus is my family and this job allows me to take care of them and have the flexible hours I need to put them first. But even though the hours are part time, the responsibility isn't. I frequently check work emails and I have even had to start writing reports at home lately because things have been so busy. That cuts into my laundry folding and PBS time... for shame! I have options though, and options are always a good thing. I could: 1.go back to full time eventually 2. stay at part-time and pursue other hobbies and interests (I lean towards this one) 3.go a more clinical route and go into the private practice world or another area of social work 4.leave social work altogether and focus on interior design or another career path (home staging gets me giddy). These are all things that I consider. And really, I am very grateful that I even have those options. For so long I had no other choice than to just keep on keepin' on. We have been truly blessed and I am grateful for the Lord's love and blessings in our life. Shaun is loving his job and his newest job has me feeling like we've finally "arrived." I guess meaning we are finally at the place that I had always hoped we would be at. We are aggressively trying to pay off debt and then we hope to save to move into a single family home within the next two to four years. I am very grateful for those material blessings. I just want to make sure that during the process I focus on trying to better myself and be the best possible me that I can be. For my children, for my husband, and ultimately for myself.