I'm not always this way, but maybe it's just because there's so much I'm anticipating. I have so many thoughts and so little control of the actual realities of life. I'm not normally the type of person to say that. I think we all have control over our decisions... but a lot of the decisions in my life right now center around Shaun finding employment, and I truly have very little control over that. Shaun had a first interview yesterday with a suburban flooring company and they seemed to really like him. He has a second interview Tuesday. This is a sales position that could prove to be lucrative though we're not sure yet what the base pay would be. But that's brought on a whole new stream of questions.... what about daycare? When can I stay home? Who will watch Ella Tuesday when he goes for his interview? Could I be getting my hopes up? Could this really be the answer to our prayers? Again I find myself jealous of the simplicity with which Shaun approaches the situation. He takes things a day at a time and there's something so wonderful about that. I love that about him and yet it drives me crazy at the same time. It makes me think I'm a worrier. I don't think of myself that way. I'm pretty go with the flow and laid back, but I do like to have a plan. I get excited as I think about our future. I feel very positive about it. I just want to have answers. But instead... I am left with my thoughts... and Barney songs. Barney songs are ALWAYS stuck in my head. I bought Ella a little video and she LOVES it. We watch it frequently and I find myself in the middle of meetings at work humming about Alphabet Soup. My mind is cluttered I think. Maybe it needs a Spring Cleaning? What do you all think? Am I just a mess? Or is this normal? Maybe both? Whichever is the case, I find writing to be a helpful outlet. I hope it's at least been entertaining.
PS: I'm at a total weight loss of eleven pounds. I totally broke down and cheated yesterday though. I came home from work and discovered oreos for what felt like the first time again in my life.... mmmm... refined sugars were calling my name. Anyway, that was bad and I know it. I'm back on track today.
6 comments:
Oh Becca! I don't know if it's normal, but I know that I'm the same way. The closer we get to this second baby, the more sleep I lose at night thinking about everything that needs to be done, etc. And Reid just sleeps away! 3am does seem to be the magic hour, huh?? There are some days that I fall asleep again at 5 or 5:30 only to be woken by Kai at 6. I don't know if you could say it's a man vs. woman thing, or if it's just us--but I assure you, you are in good company. :P
I'm the exact same way. Especially when I don't feel like I have control over things. I've been awake many nights, stewing over things. My mom used to just get up and write everything down, get it out of her mind, and then she could sleep. Do you and Shawn have Family Council? Maybe if you had a time to talk about everything you're worried about, it might help you to not think about them so much during the week. That's what we're trying lately.
Great job on the weight loss! 11 lbs is amazing. I'd like those links about the program. I've never lost more than 3 lbs/week and kept it off so that's great!
I think part of the mind racing is because, as moms, lots of things are happening at once. I can never go and do a task and get it done without being interrupted a ton of times by someone needing something. It gets annoying and I think my brain is now working the same way. It takes me two hours sometimes to clean the kitchen as I keep stopping to do other things.
Good luck to Shawn on the interviews! Where are you buying plane tickets to?
Becca - you are not alone! Men in general do such a good job at compartmentalizing (I don't even know if that's a word) - I wish I could learn from them. I can rarely turn my brain off, especially if I don't have control over some of what's happening. When that happens, I have to come up with plan a, b, and c and then cross my fingers that i can fall asleep. Keep us posted on the job hunt.
That was me all summer! Now that things are fine again my brain has slowed a little, just a tini tiny bit. Writing it all down really helps. That's why a journal is so important. YOu are not alone my friend. You are in a worrisome situation but don't let it get the better of you. Pray, write, love,and have faith that everything will be all alright and it will.I promise!
Girl, you're a woman and that's all there is to it. We ALL do that. Yes, it's normal. The other night I did exactly the same thing. I couldn't sleep because I was to busy thinking of how I can decorate our new mantel. Ahhh! Love you!
I can speak from personal experience. Women worry, wonder, and plan. We dream about our futures, worry about the clutter, and wonder if the trials will ever end. And while this goes on, husbands snooze in peace, and they don't let it take up their evenings / early mornings like we do. I don't have any kiddos yet, but I still do the same things. Writing is very therapeutic however, perhaps that's why the women of the family blog instead of the men folk. I suppose that is why we get to be mothers, and the men get to be the bread winners. It is just part of our divine design. Here's hoping that you're wonderments and worryings don't take over your sleep for too many nights. I know how that can be, and the end result is less and less sleep and more and more worrying. Perhaps a nice dose of Tylenlol PM to erase them away, and sleep just like your snoozing hubby. Just a thought. Love reading your blog, and checking out pics of your adorable little family! Way to go on your weightloss too! Take care and keep blogging about it, there are lots of us out here that know exactly what you mean, and we'll always be around to remind you that you're not alone :)
~ Juli Robinson
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