So this week I turned 37. I love birthdays and I think if you have a reason for joyful celebration embrace it and embrace life. But I do feel old. For that reason my husband threw me a "little kid " party and told me I was 3+7. Well math has never been a strength of mine but I'm pretty sure that makes me 10! So there's a reason to celebrate right there. Here are some photos from my childlike festivities.
We also got together with friends for dinner this weekend. And I had a great lunch date with Emily in Fredericksburg, so my week long celebration (scaled down from my month long parties) was a success.
In typical birthday fashion, I've grown reflective this week as I've thought about where I've been and the direction I'm headed in. I've pondered what it means to become the best possible version of myself. I believe this is only possible through turning my heart and will over to Jesus Christ, who makes weak things strong. I've asked myself: How can I reach my full potential? Am I conducting my life in such a way that I'm not merely surviving, but thriving? What are the spiritual gifts I've been blessed with and am I using them? Am I magnifying them? Am I becoming the person God intends for me to be? Am I merely enduring or am I enduring well? I pondered these questions because I wonder what sphere of influence I will have in this life. When I am no longer, what legacy will I have left? Whether large or small I want to be a change agent for good. I want to help my fellow man. Right now at this stage in my life I'm primarily focusing on being the best momma that I can be, but one day my children will be grown and leading lives of their own (I hope). So who am I? What are my gifts and how can I best use them to serve? As hard as it has been for me to put my full heart into social work really since starting my own family, I think it truly has been a good fit for me. I think at this point however I just have depleted resources to give because being momma always come first, and my littles require a lot of attention and energy. But in ten years, twenty years, maybe I will go into private practice? Or maybe I'll go for more of a macro level systems change role. Maybe I can one day supervise others. I've been the lead social worker and I feel like my organizational skills really lend them self to management in the future. Of course I could change course completely and start staging model homes. I guess the nice thing is to have options. But on an even more personal level, whatever I decide to DO doesn't compare in importance to who I decide to BE. I think the two can shape each other and are inextricably linked, but the BEING is so very important. So who do I want to be? I want to be a daughter of God, sanctified through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ. I want to BE an instrument in His hands. I want to live close to the spirit so I can follow promptings as they occur. I want to BE what I could never be on my own. I want to have my heart changed, the natural man washed away. I want to live as He would have me live. I want to be who He would have me to be. Through prayer, through study, through pondering, through the choices I make and the way I conduct myself, I want to love others as He does. So that's my reflection for 37. I want to become. It's a process, but I want to be more fully engaged in becoming than to let life act upon me. I want to proactively seek out life (because right now I feel the only thing I proactively seek are naps)and be the best possible me there is to be. And I think if I'm doing that there is no telling what I can do. I think through power from on high weak things are made strong, and my sphere of influence, whether great or small, will be powerful. What I do and what I become, when linked with the help of the Lord, will exceed even my own expectations.
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