Balance

They say at the end of the summer most people feel they're best. We naturally eat more fresh foods because they're more readily available, we get more sun, we get more exercise. I have to admit feeling this most every year around this time. My skin isn't as pasty white as it gets in the winter, even my feet feel a little better, and I have gotten more rest. But I think for me it's not only the gifts of mother nature during this time of year, it's the fact that most often I have most of July off. This summer I only worked two days in July, making this my most stress free summer to date. I feel... balanced. I've been able to spend time with my girls, spend time taking care of myself, spend time working on my calling at church, I've gotten more rest, and I've been able to take care of my home. I have been more than content and haven't had one moment of boredom. I've barely even thought of work outside the home. I've stayed plenty busy right here, and it's given me a lot of fulfillment to take my girls places, to make healthy meals for my family, to take care of my body better. I don't feel run down, and I know I owe that in part to just getting outside more, but I think owe it just as much to getting to be at home.

So where am I going with this? I feel very strongly that before we have our next baby we need to prepare ourselves financially and otherwise for me to be able to stay at home. Up until now I've been our primary bread winner and carried the benefits but I pray and hope that within the next few months, Shaun's oh so important job we've been waiting to come through will do just that... it will come through. With that there will be distinct opportunities for him to move up and within a few years I think it's entirely possible for me to be able to stay home. I've prayed about this and feel it is the right thing. Of course I've learned every timeline I give to the Lord has ended up just being a little laugh for him. I know it's hard to put timelines on your life, and you'd think by now I'd have learned to stop doing it. But this is a righteous desire, and I sincerely hope and pray we can be ready to make that sacrifice within a few years time. I really enjoy my family and even though my job has been very good to us, I know my heart isn't in it as much as it used to be prior to kids. I still am very consciences but I just know ... I just know where I'd rather be. In three years I will be done repaying my student loans so to me, that's a very good sign I've put my master's to work (literally), and I made a good investment in my education. So I know time will tell. Obviously I wont do anything reckless like quitting without my family having the support they need, but as we look towards buying a home within the next year or so, and as we make financial decisions, I want this to be the number one priority! So there you have it. Maybe some of you moms can weigh in on the subject, both those of you that work and stay home. I know many moms in the church talk about the sacrifice of staying home with their children, but for me, the ultimate sacrifice has been NOT staying home even though I have so badly wanted to. I just hope it's something that can change in a few years. I pray for that. I pray for the strength to make choices to support that (it's awfully hard not to on-line shop or want the best home or new car, but I think it will be worth it). So tell me what you think. And keep us in your prayers!

All in all I'm very content right now. I'm slightly sad as I know I will be working full time in just one short week. I love the people I work with and I love that I get to work with children but the children I want to work with most are right here in my own home. So anyway, this is where I'm at. I feel content. I feel balanced. I feel certain that as soon as I go back to work it will all come back... the feeling pulled and tired and like I can never keep up. But for now I will revel in the beauties of summer!!