Hampton 16 Memories

After our little family reunion at Lake Powell last week, I took the following Monday to go down memory lane, meeting with old roommates and friends from my BYU days. I was a little more emotional than I had expected. I don't know, maybe it's the pregnancy thing, or maybe it's simply that while only at BYU four short years, they were a huge part of making me what I am today. The friends I made and the experiences I had both in and out of the classroom will forever be with me. I took pictures of the old apartment, the Clyde building, The BYU bookstore where I worked for three years, and even the little family statue where Veeda and I found the cow tongue our freshmen year (long story). I found myself wanting Ella to know how much this place meant to me. She was oblivious of course, but as she was my companion for the day I was excited to share memories with her. So here's to a trip down memory lane and to Hampton 16, my home at The BYU for three of my four years there. This is where we used to live (lyrics below by Bare Naked Ladies). Whenever I hear this song I think of BYU and my roommates Veeda, Marilyn, Aleea, Emily, and Dacia. Here's to you girls!

Now and then...

Above: Christmas 2000 (Senior Year)

Above: Junior Year Fall 1999

Above: Sophomore Year Fall 1998

This is where we used to live

How is the neighbor downstairs

How is his temper this year

I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun (we actually did do this)

I know we don't live here anymore...

But this is where we used to live

Broke into the old apartment

Tore the phone out of the wall

Only memories, fading memories

Blending into dull tableaux

I want them back

Lake Powell Family Reunion 2010

The Calderwoods decided to reunite this year at Lake Powell in Southern Utah. It was a great opportunity to not only be with family but visit with long missed friends from the ol' BYU days and before. This post will mostly consist of photos just because there are so many. We had a really nice time. I think next time I'll re-think being 7 1/2 months pregnant and going on a house boat (unless it has AC) but it was still worth it all said and done. Ella had a wonderful time and was the hit of the reunion. She was great on the plane and loved visiting with all of her aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course grandma and grandpa C. They quickly learned of her tenacity and vivacious personality. We wouldn't trade her for anything, but we also decided leaving the life jacket on at all times was probably in her best interest. The house boat was baby proof, but not necessarily "Ella proof." Other than some really bad motion sickness the first day on the boat and a horrible flight home (three connections, one cancelled flight, and they lost my bags to top it off), I really enjoyed the trip. One of the best parts of a trip though is the perspective and appreciation it gives you for "home." I'm so grateful to be home. No airplanes for me for a while, but I do look forward to future Calderwood ventures. I'm still routing for a cruise next time (when I'm not pregnant).

Beautiful Lake Powell- this is the view from where we docked for the week. Below photos of all the grandkids and family photos on the boat.

We enjoyed (and I use "we" loosely as many of the activities were not suited towards my present preggo condition) skiing, cliff jumping, tubing, swimming, eating, visiting, and just being together. Shaun jumped off a fifty foot cliff with his dad, we did a short hike to some Indian caves and Ella and her cousin Madison enjoyed exploring them. Ella couldn't get enough tubing with her dad and grandpa by her side. It was definitely a nice trip and I'm sure hard for Shaun to say goodbye to his family when all was said and done. I hope it's not too long before we're reunited again.

Engagement Photos

I have a great love for photography, design, and architecture. I find all of these visual outlets interesting and a fun retreat from my every day job of social work. Sadly, I must admit that my passion for photography has taken a back seat due to motherhood, work, and life in general. It's been a couple of years since I've really done anything with it. Recently some friends of mine asked me to take their engagement photos and I'm grateful for the opportunity to get back in there and work on these skills a little. Their announcement is below. I think it turned out pretty nice.

Congrats to Kim and Percy! Long time friends with a long and interesting story. I'm very happy for the two of you and your little family! Thanks for letting me take these for you. Hard to take a bad photo of either of them really. They made my job easy.

"Be still, and know that I am God"

I suppose if there were just one adjective to choose to describe my feelings and actions as of late, it would be impatient... maybe even anxious! Anyone who's known me more than a few minutes has gathered I'm organized, goal oriented, and I like to have a good game plan. This has been a wonderful trait in many ways as it's helped me get through my schooling, my husband's schooling, work, and other life challenges. Where "I yet lack" is in the phase that often comes requiring us to wait, rest, ponder, and know that God is at the helm. Truth be told, I think I like being at the helm. In other words, I like being in charge. How funny the Lord must think I am. I can hear him now, "Oh little daughter who knows so little of my plans for her, for the eternities, whose perspective is so small, would you please step back and allow ME, your Creator, to help you? I am at the helm, I always have been, and I always will be. Be STILL, and know that I am God!"

I think I have done all things that lie within my power at this point to change my circumstances. I so desperately want a home of my own and I would love to spend more time at home (granted I am aware it could be much worse... and yes, if you were wondering, it is the SAME old problem I'm talking about here of work/mom/home stuff that's been on my mind for eons). Within the last six months we started house hunting, only to have Shaun's first job not work out. When I thought a home wasn't plausible I asked my work if I could go part-time and was denied (probably best given Shaun's job situation but at the time I wasn't expecting that). Then I asked to go to a shorter contract so I could have more summer time off and have now found out this wont work out either this past week. I feel like every stone overturned leads to a dead end and it's left me feeling discouraged. Worse than that, it's left me feeling like I have done something wrong and that the Lord is punishing me for some reason. I should be more faithful, I should be a better visiting teacher, I should read my scriptures more. The "shoulds" have me weighed down with so much guilt it actually immobilizes me in an ironic twist of events.

In venting the above frustrations to my husband earlier this week, he pointed out a profundity that was hard to hear but nonetheless accurate. "You need to stop living in the future. Be happy with the here and now no matter what the future holds. A home will not be the answer to all of your unsolved problems. Only the Lord can help you find the peace you are looking for." Of course hearing it and doing it are two very different things just as knowing and actually believing are two different things. While I know Shaun's statement was true, it's hard to give up that control, to actually believe. But the Lord is aware of me and knows me well. June's Ensign just came in the mail yesterday and has a talk that seems meant soley for my purposes. Titled, "Don't Be in a Hurry", John C. Thomas is speaking directly to my heart. Here are some excerpts that really struck me (emphasis added by me):

" There seems to be little evidence that the Creator of the universe was ever in a hurry. Everywhere, on this bounteous and beautiful earth... there is evidence of patient purpose and planning and working and waiting."

My thoughts-- The Lord works in His time frame, not mine. I've done the planning and working, and now I need to wait and let the Lord unfold His plans and purposes. Shaun will be starting a new job with insurance in the next month. He's very excited. While we don't know if it will be his thing or not, I need to allow things to happen in their own time and not try to push my own agenda. The Lord knows my heart. If He can create such a beautiful earth, then He can certainly help us reach our goals, or better yet, help us realize He has even better goals for us.

and here's another excerpt:

"Learning to yield is foundational in the tests that follow... the word "yield" reminds me of another verb- to let- as in "let the solemnities of eternity rest upon your minds" or "let your hearts be comforted" or "let your hearts rejoice" ".

My thoughts-- To let, that's pretty powerful. This is so difficult for me because letting means I might not be able to change my current circumstances. But what I can do is try to enjoy what I currently have more and be more grateful for the things already in place for us. I think it's sometimes in the "letting" that the Lord has us "learning". Sometimes his answer is not an answer so much as just a trial of patience and faith. And that is His answer for me right now, at least for the time being. Just let things be, enjoy the present, let me be at the helm. It doesn't mean I'm being punished. He just wants me to learn to "let".

and here's a last quote:

"Be still, and know that I am God" I suppose that can be read as two separate commands, but I think it works especially well as a statement of cause and effect. If we will be still, put God first, call on Him first, and wait on Him always, then we will come to discern His still, small voice reminding us how well He knows us and how much He loves us."

My thoughts-- This reminds me of the scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 123:17 that tells us to cheerfully (not begrudgingly) do all that lies within our power, and then stand still, and allow God to unfold His plan. I have lost my trust in the Lord over these last several months, and this has been a powerful reminder to me to allow Him to be in charge, to trust Him, and to stand still long enough to feel His love! How grateful I am for the humbling lessons that come when we only allow ourselves to receive them. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father. Today I feel peace for the first time in a long time. He has a plan and we are going to be alright! In fact, we're going to be great!

Lake Adventures 2010

We've enjoyed going to Smith Mountain lake every summer since my parents bought a lake condo there in 2005. This year I'm sure will be no exception. We had our first adventure there last weekend, partly to get an early start on celebrating my birthday, and partly because it just seemed a good weekend to do it. We invited our good friends, the Wests, to join us again. I would have loved to have invited a couple more friends but the condo is really only conducive to two families if that (so I'm already trying to figure out when to do the next trip and invite more of you). Anyway, we ended up having a really nice time. It was exhausting but worth the effort. I do recall at one point on the drive home telling Shaun "I will not travel again until all of my children are done with naps and diapers," and part of me thinks this is still wise. But this is most likely do to the crazy hormones of a pregnant woman, coupled by the fact that it was my not so wise idea to wean Ella off her "binkers" while on the trip. As you can imagine, this made for a very difficult journey home on Sunday. But alas, a week later she is binker free and I think it was a wise choice.

We enjoyed swimming, tubing, and visiting with Adam and Tawnie. I hope I wasn't too moody. Ella is full of energy and curiosity which can prove to be a little stressful while on a boat but I do appreciate this quality about her in general. The boys played a little tennis, the girls had a great time playing together, and the parents enjoyed late night chats and getting some much needed sun (or I did at least).

{Ella loved her "boat" and would have spent the entire trip on it if we had let her}

{Ellie also enjoyed the water despite the frigid temps of the water. The girls were braver than their parents}

{The girls and Shaun on the way to play tennis}

{The girls enjoying the hammock outside}

{Now these are some manly men}

31 and O' so Fun!

Truth be told, 31 has proven to already hold it's challenges (remind me to tell you about my sprained elbow in some other post), but despite the difficult week I have to admit my actual birthday was wonderful! I did a minimum amount of office work prior to meeting friends for lunch, followed by a pedicure. After that I decided taking the rest of the afternoon off was a must. I came home and enjoyed a nice little nap prior to Ella and Shaun coming home, and then Shaun took me out to dinner to Coastal Flats. They make the BEST crab cake which we both ordered and thoroughly enjoyed, followed by this yummy strawberry shortcake compliments of our waitress:)

{Coastal Flats yummy Strawberry Shortcake}

{About to make a birthday wish... so many to choose from}

So what will 31 bring? Some of my hopes are a healthy and happy little girl (name still to be determined), a good job for my husband, a new home, and getting this preggo body back into shape. No matter what 31 brings, I'm grateful for the fabulous 30 preceding years and the many blessings the Lord has brought to the Calderwood family. Thanks to all who helped celebrate my birthday via phone calls, messages, or warm thoughts. You know me, it's practically a national holiday (hence the taking half of the day off from work philosophy), so if you haven't called yet it's not too late. I'll be celebrating until June 1st:)

6 months and counting

{Ella and I today celebrating Mother's Day}

{My attempt to show my pregnant belly}

What better day to document a pregnancy update than mother's day. In just a few months (and a couple of days) we're expecting our second little girl. I'm feeling pretty good so far but have now started to enter that uncomfortable stage. Maybe being short makes it harder. I feel like I've already expanded quite a bit. I'm up sixteen pounds with who knows how much more to go. I try to be healthy but it's very difficult to have motivation when you already look like a boat. But alas, it's all worth it. My only concern is that I will swell like I did with Ella. My doctor says I shouldn't as much with my second but the fact that my last trimester will be during the hottest part of the year has me doubting him. All things considered I'm doing rather well... unless you think my interpretation of "eating for two" as eating for me and a six foot seven basketball player is problematic, that and feeling completely and utterly exhausted every night by the time I put Ella down. But I know to enjoy the consecutive hours of sleep while I can. I count my blessings every day for such a beautiful and healthy little two year old, and so far this next little one seems to be doing well too. What a blessing to be able to be a mother for some of God's precious spirits!

{The beautiful flowers Shaun got me for Mother's Day}

Happy Mother's Day to my mother, my mother-in-law, sisters, and dear friends who are examples to me whether they have children yet or not. They all have tender mother hearts and I appreciate them for their strength and their individual examples!

{Happy Mother's Day Mom/Nana!}